i don't know who this person is...
how would u perceive me if u saw me for the 1st time, or after a long time? a happy-go-lucky person, easy to talk to, has a sense of humor (i think), few things to worry about...?
well, these things about me are quite true i must admit. but there's also the flip side of the coin that most ppl never get to see - the dark side: the unhappy me, the depressed me, the worried me, the PMS me, the whatever me, the fuck-off me, the angry me... whoa let's stop there. too many bad sides is not a good way of reassessing your life, right?
as u reach the end of your 20s, u start to wonder how u ever got there, what have u achieved so far that u can be proud of (career-wise or personal), what have u learned about yourself...
do u really know yourself...?
next year, the year of the Pig 2007, i'll be 30 years old (officially in June lah). but let's not be fussy about the months. in less than 2 months, i'll be 30. wow, such a big thing to swallow, let alone digest.
my wandering mind is at it again:
- other ppl have 2-3 kids by now, and i've only managed to get hitched less than 8+ months ago.
other ppl have also divorced by now, which is sometimes why i'm secretly glad that i got married later. others haven't even gotten married yet.. i hope they are a happy lot *not being sarky*.
- i used to have a libido the size of China, now where has it faded off to? but there are also ppl who are less fortunate than me in this dept, so i shouldn't be whining about it so much. nevertheless, i am quite worried about it.. too many things on my mind... the more i tell myself i shouldn't worry, the worse it gets.
- i used to be outgoing, loved to dance the night away, have fun with so many frens.. this is a distant memory to me now. i'm now a homebody who loves to play with cats and just lounge around the house, enjoying my own company. maybe i'll be the old woman next door who lives with 50 cats. yikes! *stop that thot*
- other ppl have travelled the world, either on their jobs or on their own.. where have i been to already? let's see..... the farthest is south africa (fun & a GREAT eye-opener); singapore (yawn); bangkok, thailand (double yawn); bali, indonesia (been twice & still wanting more); manila, the philippines (with the in-laws, go figure); and that's it. jim said he wants to bring me to australia, london, or the states - if we have the money.. (it's the thot that counts, dear, it's ok...). i should be thankful for this eh? other less fortunates can only dare to dream of going anywhere at all...
- been denied the privilege, or more precisely, the right, to study in the States, namely in USC, LA. i blame the govt for this (yes, until now) and i still feel my heart cringe whenever i think about it. i could've been a totally different person with a whole different lifestyle, different POV, different fate... now i'm just a bitter and sulky 30-year-old-to-be. about this anyway...
- career-wise, not so impressive. i started out as a practical trainee in 1999 at ACP Pte Ltd (Cleo magazine); moved on to Ogilvy PR in Feb 2000 - Aug 2001 (great times..); then on to HLA from Sept 2001 - Dec 2001 (boss from hell); March 2002 - Aug 2004 was at Alpha Platform (good times..); then jumped to Resonance for 5 months i guess (job from hell); next to Compumed for 8 or 11 months (so-so job, but that's when i met jim!); pastu off to MDK for a few months (found many good frens there who share the same language, mentality and interests); and now since Dec 2005, i've been hiding in Hyundai (feeling quite content for the time being). that's a total of 8 jobs man! on average, i change jobs once a year. my frens can hold on to their jobs for years, some are still at their 1st jobs! i wonder how they do it.. i'm just lucky to get stints easily, that's all.. takkan nak tolak rezeki kot? walid said, "a rolling stone gathers no moss". but i say, "jauh perjalanan, luas pemandangan" hehe (saja je, nak rebel ;)
- the amount of men that i've had in my life are also not smthg to shout about. but they did give me the experience to handle a broken heart better and better each time each of them break it. my conclusion about men: they're all clueless. women should just lead the world. but then there'd be PMS wars pulak. sigh.. nothing is perfect.
so what have i achieved so far? except for the marriage certificate, i think that's about it. i guess the certs that i got in school don't count. it hasn't got me that far pun anyway. at least, i can try and chart my growth (or old age) from now till i die with jim, if nothing bad happens to us, God forbid. that's smthg...
one thing for sure is that i do hold pride to the fact that walid and i have called it a truce more than a couple years ago after the 2-year cold war between us (caused by the fact that i moved out of the house without his consent). in those 2 dark years, i always had nightmares... i didn't like it. when i tried talking to him, he would pretend i'm not there.. i was very heartbroken then. but now we're back to normal, especially after i got married. i'm my daddy's little girl, can't help it lah.
so anyway, they say that with age comes wisdom (who's they anyway?). i think i've gathered some wisdom along the way, from my own experiences... i've got a lovely little group of frens who are my "support system" (u know who u are, grils :) and a good loving albeit eccentric family (from both mine and jim's sides). i have this special bond with my only sister, which i'm very grateful for. we don't admit it openly but we are actually best frens, in the true sense of the meaning. she's always been there for me and i hope i'm always there for her too.. so ya, i have become wiser *glad to realise it*.
of course as i've posted in previous blogs, i've also lost a few frens, smthg i'm totally not proud of and will regret my whole life.. if i want to put it in a positive light, it's like i've shed the bad seeds and now all that's left are the good ones.. but actually it's not. i still feel the emptiness that they've left me inside.
note: to frens whom i've lost touch with, i'm very sorry. i'm not the keep-in-touch kinda person if u don't keep in touch with me. it's nothing personal, it's just who i am... i'm not proud of it, but that's my explanation. so thanks to those who've loved me enuf to keep in touch. i really appreciate it.
well my point is (and i actually do have one - quote: ellen degeneres) that, who was that person 10-15 years ago? and who am i now?
i don't know who this person is yet, but i'm gonna look forward to discovering her...
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