mis-conceptions

i've got pregnant frens who complain of aches and pains and sleepless nights... and i've got frens and a sister with kids who often lament of sicknesses and again, sleepless nights... i'm not scared of facing this imminent phase in my life... in fact, i'm looking forward to it. but i'm quite glad that we are childless for the time being...

it is always better to court for more than a year first before u decide to tie the knot but to those who are on the same boat as i - i.e. did not have the opportunity to be in a long courtship, got married soon after u became a couple - it is very much advisable that u do not immediately decide to have babies becos u don't really know the person u're marrying.. so take the time to really discover each other for who u really are as individuals.. get to really know your spouse's behavior, actions & reactions, habits, thoughts, values, and other things that attracted u to him/her in the first place. if u put a baby in the equation sooner than u should, then thereafter it'll only be about the baby and not about u or your spouse. your individuality is lost in the background and that'll be the main ingredient for a bitter stew called resentment.

don't underestimate this feeling - resentment. many people don't even know what it means, but they certainly feel it at one point or another. and it can grow into a bigger monster if it's not given the right remedy. when your spouse puts all his/her attention and thought to the newborn, u will feel a tinge of jealousy whether u like it or not. without knowing the real intention, u will already resent him/her for neglecting u. if u had only taken the time to get to know your partner, u will know that he/she only means well..

maybe i'm wrong about this, but this is what i would feel if i had thrown myself into the baby-production pool sooner than i'd like. but since jim and i have made the decision to take it slow, i am very glad we did. at least it gives me time to recollect myself, to prepare for the pregnancy and birth, to slowly change my mindset to that of a mother's who is responsible for another life. these are huge issues to deal with and many people fail to think of it. even the would-be father has to think of his bigger commitments after having another mouth to feed, so taking it slow would give him the chance to prepare for fatherhood.

i feel that many children are brought up wrongly due to mis-conceptions... couples who don't plan to get pregnant and so they weren't prepared for it. becos of the poor preparation, they would bring up their child poorly - with too much or too little of everything. this often results in poor quality kids.

whatever it is, do not take lightly the getting-to-know-each-other-as-a-married-couple period. this is the time when u can set the rules of conduct in your marriage, what u expect from your other half pre- and post-natal.

i will be 30 next year and although there are many health risks with having your first baby at this age and beyond, i have no regrets. i learned about the man i married and i love him more for who he is now more than ever. with this strong foundation, i am very confident that he will be a good father and i can't wait to bear his child when it's time.. when is it time? we're trying to conceive after our 1st anniversary in march. hopefully we'll have a beautiful baby by end of 2007...

i can't wait to see how our offspring will look like! hope that he/she will take after my cuteness (haha perasannnn) and the daddy's character :)