aku lelah and hating it

i like reading other people's blogs, but then i sometimes envy them for having more colourful lives than i do.. i'm a bore in my standards.. boo hoo hoo.

and also, i envy them for being more pandai in I.T. - they know how to cantikkan their pix with so many special effects, i jeres. mine is all straight-forward - bosan.

and also their blogs have nicer skins that my boring one.. i know i can learn the trade but i'm just too lazy. u gonna shoot me for that?

and then nowadays ni my asthma is attacking me where it hurts - when i sleep.

i don't get enough sleep anymore cos i cough and my chest tightens and then i have to wake up in the wee hours of the morning to use the inhaler and then i feel guilty for using the inhaler cos i use it like more than 10 times a day and that's not the way it should be and i feel that it's the cats' fur and i know that any doctor i consult with will tell me to get rid of them but i know i can't cos i can't live without them just like i can't like without my lover and now i don't know what to do and i so hate being in this situation cos it's like do or die kinda thing arrgghhhhh maybe i'm allergic to smthg but i dono what it is so how will i know what it is if i don't go to the doctor for a consultation which i've been delaying for the longest time cos i think i'm a superhuman who can self-heal so now i'm suffering from my own doing and heidey says that my eyes look like they haven't been getting enough rest and i also notice that my skin is losing its colour so now what i'm doing is googling for astma specialists to gain some hope in living a healthier life but that usually involves some form of exercising and i hate exercising cos a sweating zeeda is not an attractive zeeda but then again a sick zeeda is not an attractive zeeda either

hiyok

chocolates make me happy :)

i gave out a mass text on new year's eve saying that i'll be turning 30 tearfully at the stroke of midnite but i lied cos i didn't cry just felt a tug in my heart tugging tugging i don't feel like i'm 30 and that's all that matters but sometimes it matters that people don't think i'm too young cos i hate not being taken seriously they tend to undermine me just because they think i'm a young kuci brardy herr they should just die well maybe not die maybe they should just take things easy cos life is not a competition on who knows what most and who is the wisest of us all they should just take a chill pill oh how i can't say that enough

was talking to heidey yesterday and i just realised that this is the year for getting a baby. i can't delay it any longer. i'm 30 (well, in june officially).

am i ready for it? yes i am, mentally. but am i ready for the bodily expansion that will imminently take place? and all that hormonal changes? (eleh macam la tak biasa deal with fluctuating hormones, abis tu masa pms tu apa?)

ready kut... my weight's gained anyway. so why not just carry on with a pregnancy...? then people can't say that i gained weight because i didn't take care of myself (it's the baby's fault!!).

i want to go and buy books on expecting. i saw some at 1U's mph the other day. interesting read, they will be (i'm currently following the star wars saga and i'm a big fan of yoda ;)

*excited* (on getting preggers i mean) more excited in the "making" *wink*wink*

oya i dropped my (free) camera on the sand when we were in langkawi. shit lah. this is the second time i've done smthg so reckless. the 1st time happened to my old cam which i never bothered repairing. sux. i hate having butter fingers. but in my defense, it wasn't my fault this time, it was the wind's. i swear!

i just saw my buddy's wedding reception pix. the groom tetiba henskem la pulak hehehe don't worry babe u looked larvelly in every way. and the candid pic where u and glen sat down listening to a speech tu - priceless.

can't wait for the other wedding this year!!

woohoo par-tay :D

one for the girls:

do u know how to touch a girl?

thank GOD it's friday.