gracefully? whoever said this must be delusional part1

this morning i drove to work thinking about 'getting older'.. i was thinking of how age just suddenly comes and sneaks up on u, without giving a notice or a memo..

it's like -

suddenly one morning u wake up and look in the bathroom mirror to find wrinkles around your then-taut eyes no matter how much anti-aging cream u slather on..

your hair has lost its sheen it once had..

then u look down at your hands and u think - who's replaced my hands with dry wrinkly ones over the night?

u look further down at your tummy, hips, ass and thighs and think - hey where did this bulge come from? and why is it that i cannot fit into my skinny jeans anymore? no let me rephrase that, why is it that i look fat in my skinny jeans?

luckily i don't have a problem with my calves & feet so i'm not gonna say anything, lest i jinx my only good body parts.. *touches wood*

the best thing is, your nephews and niece are all of school-going age in the blink of an eye. and u still remember them when they puked all over u, cried if their poo is not cleaned and didn't answer back.

-

yeah age is catching up real fast.. and i'm not exactly ready for it..

i was reading so many of other people's blogs these past few days and i found that they are doing what i did in my earlier 20s - hanging out with frens until the wee hours, going out everyday, partying every other week... sigh.. now all that's left in me is a good night watching tv and i'll be glad as hell if i get a full night's sleep..

plus being married just made me feel older i guess.. or maybe more mature (a much nicer word).. it automatically made me comfortable with just sitting around at home without the desperate need to be doing smthg outside with frens, even if it is just for a teh tarik... i do miss those days, seriously.. but spirit willing, flesh weak lah.. dah tak larat dah sebenarnya.. like the other night i went out with my buddy carie.. we used to meet up for teh tarik from 9pm to 3am.. we'd talk non-stop and laugh and gossip.. but that night, we went back at 10pm after meeting at 7pm, which was interspersed with shopping some more.. see what i mean?? *sighs* and u won't believe the conversations we had - babies, cooking, recipes, interior decor, bla3 - it made me think back about the conversations i had before - boys, makeup, boys, makeup, clothes clothes clothes, whine about boys - hey that's what i still talk about with my girls! haha

i thought i'd always age gracefully, well that's been a fun illusion. i still feel like i'm a 22 year old - still feel playful, still feel giddy, still feel elastic.. but alas, the keyword is feel.. *sighs again*

this song prolly represents my feelings best...

landslide by dixie chicks

I took my love and I took it down I climbed a mountain and I turned around And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills Well the landslide brought me down Oh, mirror in the sky What is love Can the child within my heart rise above Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides Can I handle the seasons of my life Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you But time makes you bolder Children get older I'm getting older too So, take this love and take it down Year and if you climb a mountain and ya turn around And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills Well the landslide brought me down And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills Well maybe Well maybe Well maybe the landslide will bring you down

so depressing lah.

i hope i'll feel ok when i meet the 30-year-old me in 3 months' time..