"this show is about nothing" - quote: George Constanza from Seinfeld

i am right now eating my jamie oliver-stamped chocolate mousse while posting a new entry right at the comfort of my home. the tv in my bedroom is blaring with the 2006 american music awards to keep me company. my throat burned like fire this morning so i made a doe-eyed look to make jim melt hehe. he gave me another free out-of-jail card today (read: jail = work) but i haven't cashed the card yet for an mc.. later lah.

today, i wanna talk about...

my life... it is sometimes more or less excerpts from movies and tv shows and also song lyrics, cos i grew up in front of the tv and beside the radio, literally. when your siblings are too old to play with you when u are just a kid, u find ways to entertain yourself right? lucky for me, a 70s baby, the tv and the radio had already been invented.

when your life is about nothing, what do u actually have to say about anything?

i was lying on the bed just now, wathcing this movie called "the sleeping dictionary" starring jessica alba. 2 characters were having a conversation - a young man and an elderly woman:

W: ....i suppose at your age u don't know what love really is..
M: so how is it? to be in love?
W: well, it's more of.... companionship, full of feeling..

i don't have much to say about current affairs, but what i like to talk about is love and life. like the elderly woman in the movie just now, i've realised that love really is companionship, to be with someone, to feel a belonging to..

when i was younger, love was all lust.. but now, i've come to recognise that the meaning of love is much deeper - sharing your life with someone u like to be with (keyword: like).. i look at my parents now and i know that they love each other despite the silly little tiffs they have once in a while.. they are growing old together and they don't mind it a bit. they are basically keeping each other company, and the best part is, they like each other's company.

the kind of love i have for jim is not the lusty type anymore, although it was for a little while.. although i have no more lust left in my bones, i do still have some stored in my spirit. i've also got passion, that much i can be happy about. i've got a passion to be a good wife to him, to be with him through thick and thin, to make (two) babies with him (hehe) and bring them up with our shared values.. i've got a passion to make this marriage work, maybe becos i've jeopardised my other relationships into oblivion and i've learned my hard-earned lessons..

being a dating single back then made me think and assess my life, about what i really want, finding my calling.. and for now (i say for now cos a gemini never says never), i know that my dream is to be a tai-tai (not just a plain old housewife, mind u) and do the things i love doing, i.e. travelling, shopping, having afternoon teas with other tai-tai frens, taking care of my family.. i sound so shallow right?

well to be fair to my educational background, i used to want to be a corporate climber.. to be a somebody in a high profile company. apart from wanting to fly to the States so badly, that's why i studied - to make lotsa money. but all that doesn't matter anymore.

so what does matter?

the things that matter to me now can't be quantified.. they're all qualified.

so whatever it is, it could mean nothing to u, but it means something to me...

ps: gypsie is playing by herself, panda went out pegi bersosial.. it's afternoon, time for cat nap (pun intended).

pps: A texted me last nite saying that "it's over" between him and M. i didn't know how to respond. jim told me to give words of consolation, but i actually didn't feel anything for him, not even sorry. he dug a grave long before anyone could warn him that he could fall into it himself.. i'm dreadfully sorry that things didn't work out for them, but they just weren't meant to be. takde jodoh. what else can i say?